Changes

There are many forms of change. You can change our hair, you can rearrange rooms, you can even change jobs or situations. Some, obviously, are bigger than others. No matter what type of change, it effects all areas of your life, to some extent.

I tend to deal with life changes with smaller changes as well. I usually do my hair different each time I go to the salon, and I also rearrange my room. I rearranged my room last night (in record time I might add) to help with the changes that are coming my way.

I had been thinking about this for a while, pretty much since my 30th birthday. This birthday was going to usher in new phases of my life, new phases that I was excited for. One of them, I am sad to say, fell through. It was hard getting over that one, but what can you do. It wasn't meant to be. The other seems to be firm on track, yet now I don't know how much I'll be able to participate in it.

Life has changed a lot since my 30th birthday. It's only been two months since then, and still huge things have changed. I don't yet know how I'm going to deal with them. I don't know if there is anything I can do to avoid what seems to be happening, but I still don't know if I want them to happen.

Is it wrong of my that I don't want things to change in that way? Is it selfish of myself to think this way? Shouldn't I be happy that I'm going to be able to participate in this because of the love I feel? Instead, I feel trapped and confused.

I spent the majority of my day thinking about this change, and how much it's going to effect the other aspects of my life. Aspects that I still had hope experiencing and being a part of. It was a hard emotional day. No matter what I though, I kept going back to this trapped feeling. This really is the only way. Maybe it's me being over dramatic, maybe it's the realization that what I had planned for myself isn't going to pan out.

Shouldn't I be used to that, though? My life hasn't turned out the way I pictured when I was 18, so why should I be surprised when my life at 30 isn't how I expected it to be. I had pretty much already given up hope on one element, so should I really be upset that it's really not going to happen now?

So many questions that I don't know how to answer, questions that I'm afraid to answer and look deep down inside cause it makes me sick that I'm acting this way and that I have to change yet again.

I should follow my own advice and let my life fall into place as it's suppose to. I've lived my life this way for a long time, excepting that fact that I've made certain choices that have lead me to this point already, so should I be all that surprised at its out turn? No, I shouldn't. I've done things that I wish I could of done differently, lived a different life, so to speak, and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Was I kidding myself all along thinking that I was anything other than this role?

I don't know. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what the future holds. All I do know is that I'm having a hard time excepting what my life will become for the next few years. Damn. All it boils down to is being being selfish. Others have already chosen this route, and it's my turn to act adult and take on my responsibilities.
Grow up. I need to grow up.

SXSW 2 Oceans 11

I had an amazing time at this years SXSW. I usually do, it's an excuse for my friends and I to go downtown and have a good time, and I'm also on Spring Break from work so it's super awesome. By the end of it, each year, I'm ready for my city to come back to normal and for the hoards of people to leave. Maybe it's the snob in me, maybe it's because we are over-run with people who think they are more important than they are, either way a week is long enough for SXSW. This year a week was just the perfect length of time. I was out every night, the whole 10 days, doing stuff. Not only of it was 'work' related, true, but I was still doing stuff.

As mentioned in a previous post, we were going to get badges. This, however, did not work out. It was incredibly nice of our contact to help us out, but there was miscommunication and the badges ended up falling through. I was a bit bummed, I wasn't going to be able to see any of my comedians and podcast taping that I had hoped to see. Other than that though, we were able to do what we needed to do and had a great time doing it, so it didn't end up being a big deal.

We interviewed several people from each industry area: film, music, interactive. I met some amazing people, not only did I make great contacts with, but whom I also became friends with. Went to some great parties, saw some great movies/music, and also got to spend some time with those near and dear to my heart. It was a new experience for me since I was doing interviews and working and also making contacts, and it couldn't of been a better experience.

Things like that have happened a lot in the last year. I've randomly met some great people through unlikely connections, and they not only have turned out to be friends but they have also turned out to be a great industry contact and whom I work well with. It's the greatest feeling when you randomly make a connection and realize this is exactly what you're looking for. Makes you really believe that things happen for a reason, when they are suppose to happen.

Anyways, back to the things I enjoyed, which you can now direct your attention to the movies and music pages of this blog to find out a little more on each of these areas. I didn't get a chance to do as much as I wanted to do, especially with Day Shows, but I still walked away with some awesome material.

Next year we plan to blow it up in our own way and have our own SXSW showcase. Why shouldn't we? Between all the new connections and current workers we make a pretty well rounded group. I look forward to not only showcasing my/our talent, but to experience the fun of SXSW.

If I'm a writer, I need to write

I love to write. I love making up stories and characters and submerging into this new world. I love the process of writing ideas in my head down "on paper" and seeing something come to life. I kind of even love the physical activity of writing, be it on paper or on the computer. I do think of writing and scripts and stories all the time, at least multiple times a day if I don't wake up thinking about it. I'm a writer.

Then, blood hell, I need to write.

There are so many excuses that I come up with for why I am neglecting my talent and love. Anything from catching up on television programs, to visiting with family, to my social life, to listening to podcasts, to just being lazy. I started this blog to have an outlet to write and get back in the mindset so I can tackle my script(s) head on and knock them out. I have failed.

After SXSW (which was amazing!) I decided to change this, yet once again, I've failed to fulfill the idea in my head. I'm determined to change that and finally take my resolutions by the horns and actually write. So, here it is. I vow to write at least two posts a day. One main one, and the other on one of the various pages I have set up. I also need to really focus on my script, which I really do love and really want to bring to life. That, however, is another subject all together.

I'm not even sure if anyone reads this. Okay, I take that back. I do know of at least one person, and amazing lady, that does read this (Thanks!) and I want to make sure I have new content for her as well. It helps my laziness if I know there are people who are waiting to know what's in my brain. Wow, that was a bit conceded, I'm sorry.

So, yeah. Two posts a day. I hope I can continue with this trend for a while and that I really kick up on my writing profession. What is that saying, if you want to be someone, call yourself that profession and you are one? I totally butchered that. Example, if you want to be writer, start calling yourself a writer. Well, I got that part down...I just need to start writing.

Pitter patter goes my geek heart.

I think this is like the 5th time I've used geek heart in a social medium. (Someone is of the techie age.) Honestly, though, it's the perfect way to describe what I'm feeling. It's common place to thoroughly think about something before you write it, but I can't do that tonight. Geek Heart is too excited.

The night, no afternoon, started off with hearing from my boss that she could get me on the VIP list for the official Paul party, and wanted to see if I was interested. I actually had to think about it; in the sense that I would be spending less time visiting with my dad if I did. Even he was excited for me to go, and pretty much ushered me along. So, I ended up on the list, with my friend and sister-in-law's sister-in-law in tow. This slight hesitation seems completely out of character. Does this mean I'm going up? Ugh, I'd rather not think about it. What matters is I had a great day with my dad, and a great night out.

At the party we tried to do a little press, but they didn't let any photo gear into the part. That party was a Fail, but the win was just around the corner with our entrance into the venue. We enjoyed ourselves and have a good time. Some business was taken care of, as you do at SXSW, and also running into random friends, as you do when out and about, and the party was a blast.

After the several hours of just pure entertainment, the crew realized that we had a big day tomorrow, we all decided to head home. I tried to see if I could meet up with my sister-in-law who left about 30 minutes earlier to try to get into the premiere of the film. I ended up meeting her at the Paramount, and being able to GET INTO THE FILM.

Okay, side note. Yes, I did stay around the party, in which none of the cast was there, instead of going to see some of my favorite people in 3-D. Hey, though...there were some very famous directors at the party, that I didn't go and talk to. I know. It's confusing. I am such a fan, such a nerd, that I'm afraid of being a lame idiot when I meet these people and I end up not approaching them. They get approached so many times by so many people, I don't want to fall into the "You're the thousandth person today to ask me that" category. I have a question that I want to ask Simon Pegg, one that I think would spark a conversation. One in which we'll talk all night... A girl can dream.

Back to the story.

We were rushing to our seats, in the nose bleed section (totally don't care) and miss the intro by our boys, but were able to sit down right as the movie started. Perfect timing.

OMG. Paul is awesome! Such a funny movie! There were so many references to alien films (that I got) and were brilliantly done, that it's hard not to love it. If you love these guys, period, you'd love the film. Just so much fun. The cameos are perfect and they each add their own comic timing that helps the movie along. It's realistic and fantastical, a perfect blend if you're really on the run from the government with an alien hitchhiker in the seat next to you. I mean, that always happens, right? If it does, I don't want to know. Aliens still freak me out, unless they are voiced by Seth Rogen.

I could go on and on about the film, but this isn't a review, and you need to see it. All that matters are these few things: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost. Okay, Kristin Wiig, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Jane Lynch and many more are in it too, with Greg "Undeclared" Mottola directing it.

They did a Q&A after the film with Pegg, Frost, Mottola, and Wiig. The second best panel I've ever seen. You can sense that Frost and Pegg really are best mates, and its makes everything that much more awesome. They were funny and entertaining, but didn't seem like they had to put on a show. They are just genuinely funny individuals. If we were in the same room, you could see the glow of happiness seep through my face.

Even after this amazing evening, I do have to say we left just a little bit bummed. Frost or Pegg, or anyone other cast members, did not make an appearance at the party. That's okay, though. I'll just save my uber nerd question for another day.

SXSW 2011

I was all set to rock the free shows and parties and stick it to the man who thinks they can turn my laid back Austin into a pretentious wasteland. Then I got a badge through work.

I promise not to be a douche-badger, and I won't look down on those who don't have badges. S**t, I'm even lucky to have one (thanks wonderful boss lady of mine), and I'm the only one in my group, including family that's coming up for the music portion, to have a badge. I still plan on taking full advantage of the free shows and experiencing the beauty of Austin.

I also can't lie, I'm really excited about having a badge. One of my bffs is coming into town and it's exciting to know that I will actually get to go with him to a show and spend time with him (not that we won't meet up anyway outside shows). It's also exciting thinking that I might actually be able to see some of my favorite comedians.

However, it won't be as fun doing all of this by myself. Minus the bff, of course.

The badge was received for a reason, and I will be working during the week. I will help my boss and another co-worker interview multiple people who have influenced the Latin community in their respected jobs/industry.

As you know, the Latin community is rapidly growing and there are more things being targeted to them, not to mention the shift from traditional lifestyle to a modern living.

Being a Latin myself, and a writer who have all her characters as Latino, I'm looking forward to interviewing and meeting the people who have paved the way, forged ahead, in this ever changing society.

I'm sure we'll also cover fitness and martial arts, since those are equally important in our line of work, so the week should be filled with many new adventures.

(And it's going to be really cool if I can get into some of the podcast tapings.)

Keep an eye out for updates, hopefully during but most likely after, for events to keep eye out for. And if you're really interested, you can follow me on Twitter at: @lmmskipper

William Goldman is amazing.

I had come to this conclusion when I was reading his screenwriting books, but now I believe he's the most amazing person ever to write a story.

Like most children of the 80s, I loved The Princess Bride with all my heart. One of my all time favorite movies. You couldn't ask for anything better: true love, adventure, suspense, revenge, action... After way to long, I finally got the book The Princess Bride, S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure.

Goldman goes on to tell you that he's just doing an abridge for the original classic tale, which is based on real events centuries ago. He tells the story, then cuts in when he talks about he omitted from the original story and why. He sets up this elaborate fictional place and situations that has happened to him because of this book. I totally bought it. I was right there, connecting to how much something small can mean the world to you in your life. I was excited about the sequel Buttercup's Baby and searched for it online.

Was I shocked, and didn't believe it at first, that S. Morgenstern and that whole elaborate story was fake. S. Morgenstern is a pen name for William Goldman, and he made up everything; the story itself and his experiences too.

Instead of being embarrassed that I feel for it, and that I had talked to people about it, I was floored and in love with Goldman's story telling. Only a great storyteller could make up something so real, so personal, that you're wanting more even though you know it's fake.

It's true, the history and lore behind The Princess Bride makes this story even better and more amazing. It adds a level of romanticism that wasn't there before. You get transported to this fictional world, a world where these people really existed. It's a beautiful feeling.

So, even though I was fooled, I was fooled by the best. If you ever get a chance to read The Princess Bride, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Hit with Real Life

I expected to be feel a little more like an adult after turning 30 (which was a fantastic time! went by way to fast.), but I never expected to be thrust into it as soon as I stepped off the plane.

Literally, right when I can back I was aware that my father wasn't doing too well, or at least he joked about his healthy, which freaked me out. It turned that that the joke indeed was something serious. The good thing is that we are taking care of it and everyone is very confident.

It's never easy looking at your parent's mortality in the face, and it's definitely not easy seeing it every day.

Dealing with family health problems is never easy, especially when you're right on the front lines. The hardest part is waiting for an answer. You're freaking out while this is happening, tons of things running through your head, and you don't know what to do. If you think about things too much then you breakdown, and that's not good for anyone involved. You are automatically thrown into the strength position, which you gladly take, but are afraid that you are going to crack. Luckily for you, you have some amazing friends and family who are there as support.

Once a diagnosis is made and a course of action is set, you start to relax. Not to much, because the threat of total breakdown is always sneaking around the corner. Reinforcements are called in, which you not only are grateful for, but who can also help you tread into uncharted waters. Several waves seems to be in the works. Everyday you feel more and more confident that you and yours will conquer what is ahead of you. Of course you will, your family is not one to be easily messed with.

You slowly start to see your life return to normalcy, for it has to. You have not only worked so hard to build a life your proud of, but things are beginning to form that you never expected. Life, as they say, must go on.

I knew things were going to change for me this year, but dammit, I didn't want this to happen. I already had a shitty health year last year, it wasn't supposed to be repeated. I also never expected this to hit me like a ton of bricks, though I guess it's not suppose to be something that happens over time. Basically, I wasn't ready for this to happen right after my awesome Flirty Thirty weekend.

The point of life is to take challenges thrown at you and adjust to them so you can continue on your way. I have been derailed, that's for sure, but I'm in the process of getting back on the tracks. That's really all I can do. Build my strength and get back to myself, but allowing others to help and reach out for much needed help. It's a long road ahead, but I think I can make it through.