Write Now, Edit Later

That's what I keep telling myself. I just need to get the ideas in my head on paper, and then once I have that done I can go back later with a fine tooth comb. Cross the tee's, dot the...lowercase jays.

We don't have a lot of work to do right now, thank you TAKS, so I'm free to write during the day. I've written a lot in the past two days. 28 pages to be exact. That may not seem like all that much, but it is. I'm done with Act I, well into Act II, and still have my climactic Act II ahead.

Act II, as it usually does, is causing me problems. Well, not so much problems, but just not sure it's playing out like it should. That is where this title comes into play: write now, edit later. I think it's shaping up to be something great. I know what scene I will write to push it into Act III, so as long as I write towards that scene, I should be good.

Even though I have most of the scenes laid out for me, a blueprint of the script, things still pop up and the characters are shaping the story. For example, I have two characters that 'told me' that they had a relationship together back in the day. A relationship they never fully got to explore, so to some extent are not over and still consider each other 'the what-if.' I didn't mean for them to have much interaction, but somehow through writing it came out. I like this new element, and it brings some more conflict. Conflict, that if done right, could be really good.

I really hope this turns out to be a good script. I love the concept and story, I just hope I can do it justice. I'm happy with it, don't get me wrong, but I also know that it can be so much better.
I guess, though, in the long run that's a good thing. It's a good thing that I know that I can write the shit out of this script. That I am indeed writing the first draft, that I each draft after this one will get better and better.

Write now, edit later.

Twitter

I never thought I'd actually use Twitter. I was totally against it when it first became popular. I thought it was stupid and didn't care about what over-privileged people thought of the world. Or maybe it was just because I didn't like Ashton and Demi's stupid tweets.

Fast forward just about 2 years later, and I'm on it.
I didn't mean for it to happen, and to my defense I had some legit reasons for joining.

The first one being that I joined last year during SXSW so I could keep up with my bff and found out where he was so I could hopefully be able to see him sometime that week. He also has some really great tweets about underground music, right before they pop. It's interesting and I love being able to see him 'work' when I'm not there.

The second, my in-law totally convinced me to get on based on our boys, Simon Pegg/Nick Frost/Edgar Wright, tweets. They are hilarious! I love those guys, and they have funny nerdy tweets. More so Pegg, but it's still great. Then, I'm totally up to date on their films and projects and in the know.

Those are find and all, but I never expected to start tweeting myself. Some of my friends and family are also tweeting, so it's a fun way to be stupid. Not to mention I don't have to censor myself on Twitter. I mean, my niece is on Facebook. Half the time I don't know what to post, and feel like I have to be funny or say something interesting. Most of the time I think I fail in that department.

Since joining, though, my list of people I follow has grown. I'm following quite a bit, and I'm constantly getting new posts. Most of them are either comedians or actors from my nerd love (like Buffy or Harry Potter). It's ridiculous how nerdy my list is. I heart it!

I think it's finally come into it's own, so I don't feel so bad for being on it. It's a way for people to inform you about projects, promote things, and a way for you to get fresh comedy daily. You feel closer to the celebs you love, and that's cool too. Although, they do keep a distance, which is appreciated. You don't want your fantasy personality of a particular person to be burst, ruins the fun.

So, while I never thought I'd be apart of this pop culture phenom, I am fully engaged.
When it comes to pop culture, though, are we ever really able to avoid it for long?

But I don't want to do it...

Sometimes I feel like this.

Time

The concept of time is an interesting beast. Sometimes it feels like the day is dragging (like today) and other times it feels like it's flying by. You think back to when a year in your younger years was a LONG time, and now it's something that seems manageable. We all know that actual time doesn't change throughout the years, but it changes with age.

Ugh. Age. I am beginning to hate that word. I've actually hated it for a while now. It started back when I experienced ageism. Granted, I wasn't as "adult" as I thought I was at that time, but I also was as "childish" as they expected me to be. What, that is neither here nor there.
Age affects us in may different ways; from re-evaluating yourself and who you want to be and who you will be, to how you perceive certain things. This goes back to time.

I have no concept of age (again with age) of other people. I used to be pretty decent about guessing how old someone is. Now, I assume everyone younger than me is 12, maybe 15, and those older I'm afraid to ask cause then I feel like a loser. (Sarah Michelle Gellar is only 4 years older than me...Buffy is just a few years older....) I feel like I haven't done enough with my life at this point when others have. Okay, so they are all famous and were in the limelight since a young age, but still.
And when it comes to the kids younger than me, was I ever that bad? One second thought, don't answer that. I know I had my moments of stupidity with my friends, thinking we were cool for being loud. One thing I'm grateful for, though, is that the interwebs weren't a normal everyday part of my teenage years. I would not have been strong enough to deal with that shet.

Back on the topic of time.
I'm sitting here at work, having worked on the last chapters of a book, did a math test, and finished up several vocabulary pages. I still have an hour and half left of work. Ugh. And it's Friday, which makes it worse.
I just think when you look at how time is perceived at different moments of your life is interesting. Like the old saying goes, "Time flies when you're having fun."

I have no idea where my train of thought is going on this topic. I thought I would have something interesting and mystical to say, instead I just keep thinking, 'I'm just trying to make something cool out of the fact that I have an hour and a half left of work and am bored.'

Taking Back Your Life

Is it a good sign when before you even start the post you immediately jump into a side note? Anyways, every time I hear 'your life' I think of Varsity Blues. Remember that 1999 movie with James "Dawson" Van Der Beek and Paul "Too Fast" Walker and Scott "No Neck?" Caan? James says the most hilarious line in the worst Texas accent ever!: "I don't want your life."
Now back to your regularly schedule program...

There are many instances where I make this grand declaration of taking my life back. It consists of the ideas of working on what I think need to be fixed, no mended. These mostly consist of working on my scripts and exercising more. I pump myself up to achieve this and am excited to get started and start anew.

It never fails that once said declaration is made something in my life comes crashing down. I spend what is suppose to be time mending my faults mending my life back together.
The point I'm at now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to mend my life back together, so why not make that same declaration...

I want to take my life back. I want to actually work on the things that need to be fixed.

I do plan on ending my laziness and start to dedicate at least two nights to writing. This does seem like it's not that big of an improvement, but when you consider what I have going on in my life at the moment, two is a good place to start. This, of course, doesn't mean I can't dedicate more days or work on it more what I initially thought, I hope that happens. At least, though, it's a place to start and a place for me to focus my energy.

Same goes with the working out more. I'm going to switch up my routine a little in the hopes that this will spark something in me. Something fresh to throw at my body to have it adjust to. I'm pretty strong when it comes to my current workouts, so a challenge is what I need. Besides, it'll be nice to hit a heavy bag. I'm sure that's the best way to relieve stress. Maybe I'll even be cute when my bffs wedding comes around in the fall.

The biggest thing that I'm hoping to achieve with this declaration is a refocusing of my emotional state. My emotions are all over the place, causing me to be confused and feel numb. Not the most pleasant feeling to be living with day to day. I figure, I have strong emotions, why not place them in something that deserves them, some place that thrives on them. It seems logical.

Logical.
Maybe I should have been doing this all along. Maybe I should of used what was thrown at me at ammunition for other projects instead of building up a bulletproof vest to wear.
I don't know, though. That vest has come in handy and will forever be with me.

Maybe my past declarations were just the prelude to what is to come now. This is my time to take my life back.

Growing Up

There are so many time that my friends and I have said the phrase, "Growing up sucks." And it's true. You have to do stupid things like pay the bills, car and house repairs, 9-5 jobs, and so on and so forth. One thing that really sucks above all the others is when you except the concept of morality.

As we get older we're faced with the lose of life, the first being the older generations like grandparents. You understand the concept, and go through the stages of grief, but you still don't think it could happen to you or those directly connected with you. When one of these people is a parent, it's even harder to take.

This reality isn't new to be, I've been dealing with it for the past 9 years. Nine years is a long time to battle between realistic thoughts and hopeful wishes. It's also a long time to get used to the fact that said parent is a fighter and has put up one hell of a battle.

His battle, our battle, isn't over yet. We're still going to take this thing head on, but it's slowly sinking in that this is what is going to eventually win. We don't know when, but we know how.
That's when all the thoughts start to flood into your brain, confusing you and scaring you and playing with you.

Will they be there for my marriage? If I would have done things differently would that have already happened? Will I accomplish my career goals before the end? Since the marriage issue is on the table, what about the grandkids? Did I waste my life? Is my life something that is worth be proud of? Did I spend enough time with them? Is there more I could of done?

Whatever those answers will be, those questions will never fully go away.

Untitled

I know I promised to write everyday, and I want to keep up with it. I even think it is doing it's job. I've thought about writing and what I'm going to write each day. From the blog posts I begin to think about my script and what I'm going to write there. I really do think about writing the majority of the day. However, on the days that I'm not able to write, I feel like I've failed somehow.

Then there are the days like today.

I have so many things running through my head I can't get a single topic nailed down. I can't write because when I start writing it turns to nonsense, confused passive aggressive statements.

When I have too many thoughts in my head I can't focus and I can't write as well as I can. I still want to write something to keep with my goal, but is it worth the random post? I don't think so. I tried though, that should count, correct?

I will keep writing, and keep with my 2 posts a day, but for today I will back away from the computer screen. A confused mind doesn't nothing for my writing.