In my head I picture the Monty Python crew running away from the 'French' castle while barnyard animals are being pelted at them. If only my issue was that funny.
I've realized in recent weeks that when the tough gets going, it takes all of my strength to not run and hide. I attribute this to my youth when I would get the belt for doing something bad. I don't want to imply that I was beat by any means, or that I have a fear of my parents in anyway (they are awesome, actually), but I never liked getting in trouble.
This isn't to say that I'm constantly getting in trouble in my adulthood, I've been quite good thank you. I've grown a lot since I was a child and have gainned strength I never knew I had. Yet, I still want to hide when things go down hill in my life. Like right now, I don't want to face reality.
Maybe that's what it is all about. I don't want to face the possible turn my life could be taking. I know that it's not anything new in the world, and many people, people I hold dear, have had to deal with in their lives, but I don't want it to be a part of mine.
Does that make me selfish? Probabaly, but that doesn't mean it's not any less hard.
This issue isn't something that's new to me, either. It's something that has been in the back of our minds for just about 10 years. The big difference now is that there might not be any more treatment options. That is the scariest thing and my worst fear. It's really hard not to shut down and question whether it's all worth it.
When issues like this happen to you, you find yourself questioning everything. What's the point in doing this if this person won't see it? Why do this if it isn't going to be anything more than an experience. It's hard not to fall into a huge depression pit. I let myself feel this way, I think it's healthy, for a few days. Usually I start to pick myself back up and move on. This time around, it's taking even more strength than usual.
I'm not really accomplishing my goal of movement, to be honest. I'm forcing myself to do things daily. I know it's not healthy, but until I know what my future path will be, I'm in limbo myself. That's what's the worst thing about this situation at the moment, we don't even know if there is or isn't any opions available to us.
I know that I will only run away so far. I can't completely check out. For one, I need to be there for him. I really believe that he gains strength from me, and I can't let him down, not now. I also know that if I let go of the rope while being in the pit, I could be done for. I don't know if I'm ready to give up. So, I continue on this battle and hopefully come out on top, not matter how appealing the hidden cubby-hole looks.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Back to Normal
I never thought I would be a schedule type of person, but there is something to say about having a daily routine.
October was a busy buys month for me.
First off, my dear friends got married. It was a beautiful wedding. It was at a vineyard just north of Austin, and we ended up staying in a hotel.
Yep, we after after partied there. Not too long, since we have a long night at the wedding. Before we went to the wedding we got some drinks, however they didn't have a liquor store close by, so we had to get malt beverages at the gas station. It was pretty hilarious.
As for the wedding itself, it was full of dancing, tears, smiles; a great time with great friends. That's one of the good things about going to a wedding of your close friends, when everyone you know will be there. My whole group of bffs, The IC, was there (half involved) so the night was one of the best nights we have all been together. At the end of the night, we even got the most amazing picture we have ever taken! I love this picture.
After the wedding, 4 days after the wedding, was the Austin Film Festival. I love this festival. It is always full of amazing movies and great panels. This year I got to see The Artist, The Rum Diary, Coriolanus. The panels I went to were Showrunners; Zombies, Apes, and Vampires; and Producing Outside the Norm. A week full of crazy. My highlight, meeting Martin Starr. He's so cool. (and Johnny Depp is awesomely rad!) To read more of my thoughts, go to www.austinfusionmagazine.com and see my November article.
Halloween. I love Halloween. It's one of my favorite holidays, my favorite friend holiday for sure. This year I went as Lucy and my bff went as Ricky. We looked amazing.
We spent the Saturday of Halloween at house parties, which was a nice change from the crazy of downtown. (And I didn't get super upset at the stupid sexy bag costumes.) I don't want to say it has anything to do with my age, cause I still like to party downtown, but I like the idea of house parties for events. We need to have more of those.
A few of us also went to a haunted house. I'm not the scary easily type of person, so it became very clear to me that I don't ever have to go to one of these. Sure, the anticipation of something jumping out at you was scarier than the things that actually jumped out at you. I also think that if you go in a large group, you're screwed. You hear the people ahead of you scream, so you know something is coming your way and you brace yourself. If it was with a smaller group, just you and the friends that came with you, it would be so much better. However, this would mean they would take FOREVER and you'd be waiting in line longer than the tour of the house itself. You really want to scare me, take me to a real haunted house and lets just hang out. No bueno.
November is now upon us. I wish it was colder outside, but it's a calmer month for me. I do have things coming up, but most of it is 'work at home' stuff so I can handle that with ease (and at work when we're slow) instead of running around town. This also starts the Xmas shopping time. I love shopping for my family, so this is never a chore. I have most of my ideas done, so that's good, and the others will come when they come.
I also have a wedding of a great friend of mine coming up. I can't wait to attend, but it's a simple wedding, and I already have my outfit, and there really aren't wedding gifts to get. It's just going to be a day together. Awesome.
I'm also working on articles for both Austin Fusion Magazine and Viva Latino (as well as attend the Wizard World Con), so I have a lot of 'work' coming up.
Okay, so it seems that November will be a full month too. Bring it on!
October was a busy buys month for me.
First off, my dear friends got married. It was a beautiful wedding. It was at a vineyard just north of Austin, and we ended up staying in a hotel.
Yep, we after after partied there. Not too long, since we have a long night at the wedding. Before we went to the wedding we got some drinks, however they didn't have a liquor store close by, so we had to get malt beverages at the gas station. It was pretty hilarious.
As for the wedding itself, it was full of dancing, tears, smiles; a great time with great friends. That's one of the good things about going to a wedding of your close friends, when everyone you know will be there. My whole group of bffs, The IC, was there (half involved) so the night was one of the best nights we have all been together. At the end of the night, we even got the most amazing picture we have ever taken! I love this picture.
After the wedding, 4 days after the wedding, was the Austin Film Festival. I love this festival. It is always full of amazing movies and great panels. This year I got to see The Artist, The Rum Diary, Coriolanus. The panels I went to were Showrunners; Zombies, Apes, and Vampires; and Producing Outside the Norm. A week full of crazy. My highlight, meeting Martin Starr. He's so cool. (and Johnny Depp is awesomely rad!) To read more of my thoughts, go to www.austinfusionmagazine.com and see my November article.
Halloween. I love Halloween. It's one of my favorite holidays, my favorite friend holiday for sure. This year I went as Lucy and my bff went as Ricky. We looked amazing.
We spent the Saturday of Halloween at house parties, which was a nice change from the crazy of downtown. (And I didn't get super upset at the stupid sexy bag costumes.) I don't want to say it has anything to do with my age, cause I still like to party downtown, but I like the idea of house parties for events. We need to have more of those.
A few of us also went to a haunted house. I'm not the scary easily type of person, so it became very clear to me that I don't ever have to go to one of these. Sure, the anticipation of something jumping out at you was scarier than the things that actually jumped out at you. I also think that if you go in a large group, you're screwed. You hear the people ahead of you scream, so you know something is coming your way and you brace yourself. If it was with a smaller group, just you and the friends that came with you, it would be so much better. However, this would mean they would take FOREVER and you'd be waiting in line longer than the tour of the house itself. You really want to scare me, take me to a real haunted house and lets just hang out. No bueno.
November is now upon us. I wish it was colder outside, but it's a calmer month for me. I do have things coming up, but most of it is 'work at home' stuff so I can handle that with ease (and at work when we're slow) instead of running around town. This also starts the Xmas shopping time. I love shopping for my family, so this is never a chore. I have most of my ideas done, so that's good, and the others will come when they come.
I also have a wedding of a great friend of mine coming up. I can't wait to attend, but it's a simple wedding, and I already have my outfit, and there really aren't wedding gifts to get. It's just going to be a day together. Awesome.
I'm also working on articles for both Austin Fusion Magazine and Viva Latino (as well as attend the Wizard World Con), so I have a lot of 'work' coming up.
Okay, so it seems that November will be a full month too. Bring it on!
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