There are so many time that my friends and I have said the phrase, "Growing up sucks." And it's true. You have to do stupid things like pay the bills, car and house repairs, 9-5 jobs, and so on and so forth. One thing that really sucks above all the others is when you except the concept of morality.
As we get older we're faced with the lose of life, the first being the older generations like grandparents. You understand the concept, and go through the stages of grief, but you still don't think it could happen to you or those directly connected with you. When one of these people is a parent, it's even harder to take.
This reality isn't new to be, I've been dealing with it for the past 9 years. Nine years is a long time to battle between realistic thoughts and hopeful wishes. It's also a long time to get used to the fact that said parent is a fighter and has put up one hell of a battle.
His battle, our battle, isn't over yet. We're still going to take this thing head on, but it's slowly sinking in that this is what is going to eventually win. We don't know when, but we know how.
That's when all the thoughts start to flood into your brain, confusing you and scaring you and playing with you.
Will they be there for my marriage? If I would have done things differently would that have already happened? Will I accomplish my career goals before the end? Since the marriage issue is on the table, what about the grandkids? Did I waste my life? Is my life something that is worth be proud of? Did I spend enough time with them? Is there more I could of done?
Whatever those answers will be, those questions will never fully go away.